An image from actor Sarah Chang's audition reel for the reboot of 'Mulan'. Image: Golden Horde Productions
This is a very long list of movies.
1. Mulan (November 2, 2018)
The movie will feature female director Niki Caro and will feature an all-Chinese cast. Who exactly will be in the cast is not yet known. Disney may already have a problem clearing the latent-homosexual lead character, Shang, with the LFP, but hey, we'll see how the film plays up the romance between Mulan pretending to be a man and Shang having feelings for a pretend-man.
2. Christopher Robin (Winnie the Pooh)
The live-action remake will focus on the life of Christopher Robin as an adult visiting the 100 Acre Wood. The film will follow the now adult Christopher Robin whose life is upended when Pooh shows up on his doorstep looking for help. To get someone unstuck from a tree perhaps. The film will be directed by Marc Forster who also directed Quantum of Solace and Finding Neverland.
3. The Little Mermaid
Remember when Photoshopped photos of Emma Watson as Ariel appeared online? Such a shame. Though not much is known about the project at this point, be assured it is happening. Reportedly, the original songwriter, Alan Menken, will return to compose and write songs alongside Hollywood-darling Lin-Manuel Miranda, who wrote songs for Moana.
There are conflicting reports about this, with earlier reports saying the remake will focus on the Genie and will be called Genies. That was in 2015 and the latest scoop is that it will be an Aladdin remake instead, with Guy Ritchie at the helm. A bold choice for the source material. Producer Dan Lin also assures viewers that the actors will not be white, and that it will be a musical.
Bet you don't know who this gargoyle even is, right? The Hollywood Reporter exclusive revealed that the Chernabog, a gargoyle from a 10-minute segment in the movie Fantasia is getting a spin-off. The attempt at revitalising this obscure character is reportedly made in the hopes of it becoming a success like Maleficent. In our opinion there are many more villains that deserve another look. Hades for example.
Confoundingly, Emma Stone is tipped to star in the film about the Dalmation-skin loving villain, Cruella de Vil. What could possibly justify this woman's existence and what could drive her to want to skin innocent puppies for coats? Disney is going to try to explain these questions, we hope.
How do you remake a film about a flying elephant in live-action? Tim Burton, the auteur of family-friendly gothic movies will reportedly try to pull it of as director. The man behind the tinted-glasses has lost his edge of late and we're not sure throwing a CGI elephant in the mix is going to help. The film reportedly has Colin Farrell in talks to star while Eva Green and Danny DeVito have already signed on.
8. The Lion King
"Aaaaaaaaaa see Kenyaaaaaaa!" Yes, the movie without any humans in them is getting a
National Georgraphy re-make. Fresh off the success of The Jungle Book, Jon Favreau will re-tool his skills of scaring child actors on screen to The Lion King. We don't quite see how a re-make is necessary for this kind of movie in live-action. James Earl Jones will even return to his role as Mufasa while Donald Glover will play Simba. We loved the first Lion King but how is recreating the story in live-action going to enhance the story in any meaningful way?
9. James and the Giant Peach
The reboot will be set in an Orchard in New Haven and eplores the development of the titular Giant Peach and how exactly it got to be so gigantic. Okay, we're only kidding. It is a traditional remake with director Sam Mendes at the helm and writer Nick Hornby penning the script. That's so much more boring than a story about a Giant Peach, amirite?
10. Oliver Twist
The animated classic Oliver and Company itself was a reimagining of the tale of Oliver Twist, so this would be Disney's attempt at rerebooting their own property. Hamilton director Tommy Kail will helm and the film will have a hip-hop spin to it. Ice Cube has reportedly signed on for the film already.
11. Peter Pan
Goodness greens, those green tights of Peter Pan has been worn and reworn, worn by his enemies, replaced and repurposed over and over again. Sometimes he wants to grow up, sometimes he's a grown up wanting to be a kid again, and sometimes he's still in the mind of a writer being realised. Sigh. The remake is being written and directed by David Lowery, the man who remade Pete's Dragon.
Creating a backstory for the tiny pixie dust factory is writer Victoria Strouse, who wrote Finding Dory. Meanwhile, Reese Witherspoon is reportedly on duty as the lead character. Hopefully, they film will explore the love story between Peter and Tinkerbell and why she falls in love with him in the first place. Maybe they can give her a break and the romance actually materialises on screen for once.
13. Prince Charming
The comedy will be based on Prince Charming's brother and will likely play at the typical 'Prince' trope. Ever notice that in three different Disney movies the Princes have no name? In Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, and Cinderella the Prince is never named. The subtle messaging? You don't even need to know your man, just as long as he's rich and gives you kisses.
Only writer Peter Hedges has been reportedly attached to the project. There is literally nothing else to this story. So... nothing to see here. Move along.
15. Snow White
We're actually surprised this project hasn't really lifted off the ground yet. It was Disney's first animated feature back in 1937. Maybe they're having trouble translating the plot for modern audiences. "Prince stumbles upon a funeral in progress, decides to crash it and kisses the corpse." WTF. Talk about necrophilia.
16. The Sword in the Stone
This might be Disney's best attempt at courting the male market. Its got swords and magic in it. And its got Bryan Cogman, the writer of frickin' Game of Thrones on HBO. Though we suspect a lot less nudity in this one, we're expecting at least a lot of medieval battles. If Ian McKellen isn't playing Merlin in this live-action remake, we riot.
We omitted The Jungle Book 2 and Maleficent 2 as they aren't new properties. That said, no please Disney, please don't turn this into a Marvel-esque universe. The Alice in Wonderland sequel already bombed. Forget about it.