It’s been a contemplative week in the ivory towers of Rojak Daily
. The God of Death was denied by Arya Stark in last week’s episode and a surprising number of main characters managed to survive the Battle of Winterfell.
That got us thinking - we’ve been so traumatised by things on this show that people surviving seems… strange.
So, to indulge our passion for the morbid and macabre, here are five 'Game of Thrones' deaths that we just can’t stop thinking about (in no particular order).
As usual, guys, SPOILERS ALERT!
Ramsay Bolton is the most twisted, sadistic, perverse, and downright evil bastard of a character in the world of Westeros; no mean feat when you have competition like the Mountain or the slave masters of Yunkai, Astapor and Mereen.
Here’s a short list of his repulsive deeds :
How he died
- Killed his own father Roose Bolton (Who had it coming anyway) and fed his step mother (Walda Frey) and infant half-brother to his dogs
- Relished in elaborate psychological AND physical torture on Theon (and many others, from what we can tell)
- Releasing Rickon Stark onto the open field, deliberately missing only to kill him with an arrow to die just as Jon reaches him
- Hunting people for sport
- Victims include women who had once been bed partners
- Deliberately starves his dogs before feeding them with… people
- The rape and abuse of Sansa
Battered by Jon Snow and imprisoned in the kennels before Sansa unleashed his own dogs on him. A more satisfying death we cannot imagine. Except for the next person on our list...
Joffrey (Lannister) Baratheon
Joffrey was the first true ‘heel’ of 'Game of Thrones'. A psychotic cowardly boy-king with hitherto unknown depths of cruelty, Joffrey’s roll-call of disgusting depravity included
How he died
- Having the butcher’s boy Mycah and Sansa’s direwolf Lady (in place of the escaped Nymeria) killed for the audacity of defending themselves against him
- Ordering the deaths of Baratheon bastards (even the ones that didn’t know they were bastards)
- The psychological torture of Sansa (oh boy, she’s been through a lot) with Joffrey pretending to spare her father, only to have him executed
- Murdering Ros in cold blood, with a crossbow
Poisoned at his own wedding, by wine laced with poison provided by Littlefinger at the behest of Olenna Tyrell. That death scene got an ovation in our house when it happened. We’re sure we’re not the only ones that cheered.
Suave. Charming. Handsome.
Everyone loved the Viper when he made his debut on the show. He had an honourable streak that shone through, especially when discussing the injustice the Lannisters had visited upon his family. The rape and murder of Elia Martell, the murder of Oberyn’s nephew and niece - it’s enough to motivate a man for revenge, isn’t it?
When Tyrion sought a champion in trial by combat having been accused of causing Joffrey’s death, Oberyn volunteered, seeing an opportunity to exact revenge on Sandor Clegane and bring peace to his own pain.
How he died
The fight started well enough for the Viper; his dexterity and extra reach giving him an advantage over the hulking brawler that is the Mountain. However, with victory in sight, his demands for an admission of guilt stayed his hand from delivering a swift kill. What happened next is long seared into our memories.
Stepping too close to the Mountain, the latter manages to grab hold of him, and crushes his ENTIRE SKULL with his bare hands. Gruesome, grisly, utterly traumatising.
He was Hand of the King for 20 years under the Mad King, managing to hold the Kingdom together as Aerys planned to make King’s Landing burn. He single-handedly restored the glory of House Lannister, maneuvering them into a position of strength and wealth while decimating their enemies.
He was a brilliant strategist that schemed, plotted, got his hands dirty and did everything he could in the name of what he perceived to be honour.
Yet Tywin was a terrible father, seeing his children as barely more than chess pieces that could be used to play the Game of Thrones. Marrying off Cersei to Robert to secure their alliance to House Baratheon basically drove her to the drink, and even further into Jaime’s arms, leading to the events of 'GoT'. His undisguised loathing of Tyrion, for being born a dwarf and causing the death of his wife, Joanna, would ultimately lead to his doom.
How he died
Killed by the son that he so loathed, with a crossbow, while on a throne of sorts. A thoroughly undignified death for a dignified, yet callously ruthless, man.
Hodor was a gentle giant of a man, capable of immense feats of strength yet always smiling and playful at heart. We can’t talk about Hodor’s life and background without also discussing his extraordinarily tragic death.
How He Died
Probably the most heart-wrenching one on the list.
Hodor’s life purpose turned out to be… keeping Bran alive. As the Night King, White Walkers and wights descended on the Cave of the Blood Raven, the Children of the Forest do their best to hold them off. However, Bran and the Raven are stuck in a time-travel dream, of which the purpose at that moment in time is unclear.
Meera and Leaf make their way back to the center of the cave, with Meera urging Bran to warg into Hodor (who’s paralysed with fear) to carry him out of the cave. Throughout this whole time, Bran does not break contact with the time-travel dream.
As they make a rush for the back exit of the cave, Leaf stays to buy some more time with a magic fire grenade, leaving Hodor, Meera and Bran at the exit. They just about make it through, before Hodor uses all of his might to block the wights… and hold the door.
Meera’s cries echo into the blizzard, into Hodor and across space and time to the young Hodor that Bran sees in his time-travel dream.
Bran being simultaneously in the past and present with Hodor creates a strange bridge, causing Young Hodor to have a seizure while repeating Meera’s final call to him. These words from the present eventually mash together into Ho-dor - the only word that he would be able to utter from that day forward until the very end.
Finally, the penny drops. This was why the Raven had brought Bran into the dream - to start Hodor on the journey that would eventually lead to his incalculably tragic death.
His life was never really his.
The highly-anticipated final season of 'Game Of Thrones' will be invading your TV screen starting 15 April and you get to watch it the same time as the United States on HBO (Astro Ch 411, 431).
Here's the best part: the episodes on demand will be uncensored!
If you're not a fan of the series but you're afraid of being left out when your friends discuss how awesome that week's episode is, you can actually catch past seasons of the series on Astro On Demand and Astro Go.