It’s the morning of Syawal, you’re walking down the staircase all clad in your new Baju Melayu no one will see. It’s quiet.. Too quiet. Mum and dad are having a visibly inaudible conversation while enjoying some lemang and rendang at the dining table.
You glance over to your sisters. One is doing an IG live wishing her followers “Selamat Hari Raya”. The other two is busy posing for pictures next to some potted plants in a shaded area with minimal soft lighting for aesthetics.
Your cat is lounging at her favourite spot, mindlessly cleaning her fur. While you, well... you’re sitting on the sofa. Brows drawing together, gazing into the distant horizon, wondering why is it so... oddly quiet.
Well, we’ll tell you why.
It’s the Makcik Bawangs! They’re not here today (REJOICE! HURRAH!) The MCO has cornered them into isolation. Rumour has it that they are sweating profusely, going cold turkey, rendered speechless with the fact that they can’t carry out their yearly Raya gossip gathering.
To commemorate probably the only year in our lives that we don’t have to deal with Makcik Bawangs during Raya, we have compiled a list of the types of Makcik Bawangs you would meet during the festivities. (In case you miss them. LOL)
“ Bila nak kahwin? ”
“ When are you getting married? ”
These types we tell you... Can’t chill for a second man. They will usually follow up this question by notoriously lamenting “Itulah kamu memilih sangat..” (You’re too choosy) like- HELLO. The stars are not aligned yet okay. We know you guys are trying your best and it’s not like you’re not slipping in someone’s DM every other day to find your jodoh. We recognise your effort okay fellow comrade! And besides, what’s wrong about not wanting to settle down just yet too? Some people need to respect people’s decisions okay.
“ Course Pertanian? Kamu belajar menanam ke?! ”
“ Agriculture course ah? You learn how to do gardening is it?! ”
This is another type we are growing too tired to deal with. While there are some that are truly asking out of genuine curiousity, others are just condescendingly inquiring. And then to add a little more oil to the fire, they will say “Anak makcik belajar kat UK... otw nak jadi engineer”. (My son is studying in UK you know..He’s going to be an engineer) Dear Makciks, it’s 2020. employment opportunities are no longer limited to doctor and engineers. You can make money with any profession if you’re determined enough.
“ Result anak makcik straight A tau ”
“ My son got straight A one you know... ”
Not to be mistaken with type number two, these bunch will go after you with all their children’s achievements. If can, they want to include their kids’ milestones in pre-school also. One tip we can give you is to layan kan je. They thrive on compliments and praises and often never want to listen to what you have to say anyways. So give them what they want. When you’re getting exhausted with the conversation, pretend like you heard your mum asking you to top up the beverages and excuse yourself with a smile. Works like a charm.
“ Pakai kereta parents lagi ke ? ”
“ Still using your parents car is it... ”
This is literally why some of us are making poor financial choices and rushing to buy cars even though we can’t possibly afford them with the salary we have now. To give you a double whammy, they will also ask you when you will move into your own house. “Your parents can’t support you forever tau”. Like- chill maam, we are dying to make ends meet with the state of economy we are doomed with right now. Maybe you can respond to them, “Makcik… did you know our minimum wage haven’t changed much since before you were even born?” Ought to zip them up.
“ Haritu Makcik ada nampak…”
“I could’ve sworn I saw you the other day…”
Thus begins! The list of all things that they have claimed to have heard or see. This type of openings will usually lead into allegations that they have seen you dating with your boyfriend/girlfriend, followed up with some typical religious lecture and finally wrapping up by asking how much your partner is making? OMG makcik.. the hondacity.. Just say lah from the beginning you want to know their salary. Could have save us all from that long sermon.
“Dah sihat kamu ye...”
“Wah, getting a little chubbier ah you…”
To anyone having to deal with these snarky comments about your weight... stay strong! These Makciks have got to know better than to pick on people’s insecurities. So, you’ve gained a little weight, big deal. There are other major world problems in the world to focus on okay. You just can’t help but to wonder why they can’t start a conversation like any other normal human beings. On top of all that, they will comment on the way you dress too. Baju Kurung too tight, hairstyle too grungy, too many ear piercings. Some people just have nothing nice to say. SMH.
“ Bila nak ada anak? ”
“So when are you two having kids?”
This one is a special mention. These are the relentless kind of makcik bawang. Ones that seek to push you to your edge. They are known to be the pessimistic black holes that sucks any happiness in their way. If you’re single they will ask when will you get married, when you’re married they will ask why the wedding reception was so generic, when you have your first child they will ask when are you having a second, when you have the third they will say not too many or else you will have financial difficulties. They just can’t be pleased. It’s okay guys just live your best life, ignore the haters.
Thank heavens you get to dodge them, this year, with the CMCO. Family gatherings can be pretty tough especially when you have to deal with toxic family members. Although some relatives are just trying to strike up a conversation, there are others that are just out to exhaust you with mean questions.
It’s important that you don’t take too much to heart and just remind yourself that you are trying your best and you are fabulous!
There are truly all sorts of people out there, each with their own unique personality. Check out this video to see what other unmistakable personalities that you can relate with your colleagues.